Battleship [Movie Review]

[Post published by Liviu, on Liviu's [Personal] Blog]


After watching Safe House [Liviu's blog] it was time for action-for-it's-own-sake, i.e. Battleship [official site; en.wikipedia; IMDB]

Action?

You betcha! :D Now, who do we know to be a fan of action? Hmm, let me think... Oh, I know: me, me, me!

To put it short, we get plenty of action, special effects and the like. Do we care that sometimes it doesn't make sense? Noooo....

Ok, the beginning is terribly boring, so is the 3-minutes final part... because they lack the action and try to build some sort of a story :)) Why would they try building a story, when it is obvious nobody goes to this kind of movie for the story? :))

Story line?

Look, it is not that kind of movie that you go watch for the story line, or for the acting etc. Really.

Ok, the story goes like this: Some bad ass invading aliens versus some good humans defending our little-shiny-lovely-blue planet. Humans kill all aliens and their 4 cool ships. End of story.
Yeah, sweet, great idea, congrats, whatever!
Now hit it with the special effects, please! :))

Plot holes [imdb.com via Mr. Andrei, PhD, thank you]? Well, yes, of course. So, ignore the story line, and just concentrate on the special effects.

The aliens are not bad, not in this situation at least, if you ask me...

Disclaimer: I've always said that when we meet aliens, we'll be like the indians and they'll be like Europeans, so we'll get killed. Good bye! - the movie says the same, which is the reason the humans start killing the aliens the moment they seem them. Ok, 1 minute later to be more precise.

As a side note, I am not that sure the aliens are that bad in the given scenario...
They do not provoke the humans in any way, nor make any hostile movements.
They just horn back (i.e. they reply) to the human ship. Their horn though as a side effect breaks the glass of the captain's deck cabin and kills the idiots (I mean senior officers) inside - so it happens that the hero's brother gets killed this way so the hero shall later lead the killing of all aliens. Anyway, the rest of idiots (I mean senior officers from other ships) interpret the aliens' reply horn as an aggression, start shooting all they have against the aliens, which legitimately defend themselves and sank a couple of human ships. Really, that's how all started.

In the meantime, the aliens also launch some cool wheel-like weapons [gawkerassets.com; eonline.com] to destroy a bit some city. Really cool weapons: they move around, analyze everything (buildings, bridges etc.), decide what objects seem important, find their weak points, and attack those weak points, leading to deadlock and/or destruction with respect to the targeted objects. Cool!

Getting back to the idiot humans, if you ask me, this "shoot first, ask questions later" policy shall for sure get the human species killed, even if the aliens come in peace...

Oh, and the aliens only want to dial back home because they have lost their communications ship. Obviously, humans put all their efforts into stopping them because they imagine the aliens shall call other ships to kick humans' ass. Now, given how the situation has evolved so far, wouldn't you?

So, I must confess that this time I felt pretty bad about being on the human side.

Nevertheless, the special effects are cool...

Actors?

Well, it's not that kind of a movie (in which actors show some great skill), you know... I mean, who cares what the actors do while you get so many special effects? As long as they look terrified and keep running around and shooting, they're ok with me :))

Liam Neeson - too little, too cocky.

Taylor Kitsch - hmm, ? Dunno, does not convince me. Anyway, he's our hero: he has been a loser for some time, but his brother enrolls him in the navy, which changes his life, reaches the stage of a senior officer etc. - he is second in command on his ship, therefore becomes captain of his ship when the real captain dies, and leads the battle against aliens.

Rihanna - first she acts like a teenager making jokes on everything, but then you realize it's a female, and then you realize she's a navy soldier, and then you think: wait, what? But it's ok, given the hero's messed up life before he enrolls in the navy. So, Rihanna's attitude fits in the scenario eventually.

Brooklyn Decker - sexy, that's all.

Army PR?

Plenty of it. There's so much army PR in the movie that at times you may think you're watching enroll-in-the-army-please advertisements.

Conclusions

Is it worth the time & money? For the action, yes!
Regarding the story, well you don't go watch it for the story...